A Singular Screwy Setting

I finally tapped into the (stolen) free wifi I knew I should be able to access in the suburban neighborhood that I recently moved into. Changing just a singular screwing setting on my laptop did the trick. Go figure. Free internet is glorious.

Now I feel like I've accomplished a lot today. Isn't that just the (saddest thing you've heard all day) great? Sometimes I seriously wonder how much the average person accomplishes in a day...and then how I measure up against that. Then I have to sit down and chain smoke for about a half an hour to curb the bone crushing depression caused by the fact that I am sure that I am steadily rocking it at about a 15% capacity. On a good day. Like today. I win.

If I still lived in the city I would not be able to find un-password-protected wifi but out here in suburbia I did. You would think that these welltodo people who actually use things like online banking/porfolio management would protect their shit...but they don't. Not that I'm trying to steal their passwords/identities/small children/souls/etc., I just want to use their internet so that I don't have to pay for my own. I think that's fair.

Moving to suburbia has been a big adjustment for me. I have lived here for about 3 months now and I still do not know my neighbors. How awkward is it living fifteen feet away from people and never making eye contact with them even though you see them out of the corner of your eye everyday? I'll tell you: very. Here are some differences that I have found so far between where I lived before (let's call it A) and where I live now in suburbia (let's call it B)*:

• A: There are lawns in front of the few houses you see peppered in between the many apartment buildings.
• B: There are lawns here, but without fences to keep out the meth-heads and day-time drunks.

• A: There were three bars within a two block radius.
• B: I still haven't found a bar anywhere close to where I am. Fail.

• A: There are always children being way too fucking loud outside of your apartment building at 1 AM on a Tuesday.
• B: There are also children but they are almost always wearing shoes, drive Big Wheels that are nicer than my own car, and are rarely on the street at 1 AM (on any day).

• A: Everyone smokes, even if it's "just when they drink."
• B: I haven't seen a single smoker since I moved here, who am I suppose to bum off of when I get too drunk to drive to the gas station at 2:30 in the morning?

• A: You were constantly wondering: "is that a skunk or pot?"
• B: It's just a skunk, which really takes the excitement out of guessing.

• A: You can sit outside and "people watch" because there are always (drunk) (high) (mentally unstable) interesting people walking around aimlessly.
• B: No one walks around here. Ever. They never leave their designated plot of land.

• A: There are no door-to-door salesmen, unless you count drug dealers (but to be fair they usually expect you to come to them).
• B: My new doorbell has been rung four times by door-to-door home security system/water-proof paneling salesmen.

But living in this house in suburbia is, for the time being, (pretty nice) acceptable. I have yet to decide how ridiculous to act in order to make myself feel better and in order to convince myself that I won't turn into someone who likes living out here. We will see.

*(Fitting) Total coincidence that A should stand for Awesome and B should stand for Boring.